2024.01｜English Version for my lovely international friends
Since last Christmas, Kris shared with everyone on Sunday, and people eagerly asked him about prophecies for 2024. Instead, he mentioned that January 2024 is a halftime break in a game. During this month, everyone experiences how God calibrates us, providing strategies to face the upcoming times. Personally, January has been uncomfortable, not because God overturned my expectations but because I continuously observed how God adjusts us differently. This caused me great anguish.
While knowing that God is helping me move forward, I accused myself of not progressing as quickly as others. Amid breakthroughs, I found myself using self-flagellation. It's not a pleasant experience, ha.
During Randy Clark week, this continued within me. I saw varying levels of reception during impartation. Yes, I began comparing within myself, as I struggled to understand how valuable I am in God's eyes. But God didn't stop telling me that I am a cherished daughter.
Most of the accusations inside me repeated a few things: 'You haven't changed,' 'You haven't experienced what someone else has,' 'Is this what you call effort?' In January, I took an AMT called "Silencing the Inner Critics." If you ask me, it was undoubtedly helpful. What did you experience? I experienced the voices of accusations mentioned earlier, whipping myself every day until God spoke to me.
Today is the last day of January, and we had RG time as usual. Before worship, we declared that today is the day, today is the day to experience breakthroughs. I felt the need to focus on God during worship, not constantly watching what others are doing. My pastor Barbara and third-years served us during this time. My third-years always found a way to articulate what I was going through, praying for me and blessing me with God's heart, even without me telling them. In prayer, I felt them breaking down strongholds within me and helping me build a wall belonging to God. Even Barbara, received "Fighter" and "Precious daughter" for me (that's the only thing I remember, ha).
I realized I unconsciously lived under the shadow of comparison. They prayed for me to experience freedom! This is what I expected to experience here!
In the afternoon session, Leslie talked about growing your authority. She asked if anyone feels like they keep going through the same things, wondering why similar situations keep happening. She shared that God actually brings us to higher places each time to view our situations. She referenced the lesson Jesus taught the disciples in Matthew 18 about humility, comparing oneself to a child. But in chapter 19, the disciples immediately forgot Jesus' teaching, and He had to teach them again. Leslie shared her life journey, emphasizing that God's guidance is different from what we imagine. God links her experiences like a unicorn, a cute description. Often, we can't understand why God leads us through certain things in this season, leading us to question God continuously. But she mentioned that everything we are going through, the breakthroughs and brokenness, is helping pave the way for others and bringing them to God through us.
This instantly made everything meaningful for me. The disciples learned multiple times, and they forgot Jesus' teaching multiple times. But Jesus kept teaching!
This reminded me of another AMT I took in January called "Prophesy Your Year." We had to prophesy for ourselves and our partners about what we would experience in January. Indeed, God made me understand that I've been cleansed, and I must start honoring myself! God desires me to know Him more deeply! Looking back after the whole month and reading the prophecy my friend gave to me again, it truly comforted me:
"Deborah, The Lord is so proud of you! you are His beloved daughter. He wants you to be aware of how much He loves you and that you don't forget it; don't let situations around you make you forget it. Remember that you don't need to do anything special to win His love or people's love or approval. It's a new season where I will burn your heart so that you never forget your courage, the brave woman you are and the strong character I have put in you, but with the sweetest heart to give love to other people." — Catherine Salazar
This brought me back to the class "Silencing the Inner Critics," where Kristy asked us to ask God where He likes us or which part of ourselves He likes. God said, "NOT giving up!" And she gave us the assignment to celebrate ourselves. After going home, God urgently made me want to record everything, as if something might burst out.
Whether it's my future self or every friend reading this, regardless of the experiences you're going through, I choose to believe that I have been caught by God in every moment! I will focus on Jesus, not my circumstances or how people around me react. Thank you, God, for making me understand all of this!
